


Mafias and Moustaches

by QuietButNotSilent



Category: Men’s Football RPF
Genre: A lot of moustache jokes, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives, M/M, Mafia boss Sergio Ramos, Pornstar Gerard Piqué
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:27:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23593045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuietButNotSilent/pseuds/QuietButNotSilent
Summary: Sergio saves Gerard and asks for a little something in return.
Relationships: Gerard Piqué/Sergio Ramos
Kudos: 10





	Mafias and Moustaches

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AndalusianSunshine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndalusianSunshine/gifts).



> A big thanks to AndalusianSunshine for lots of the ideas and encouragement! I apologise to those trying to forget this moustache exists :)  
> [Originally posted 31/12/19]
> 
> Find me on tumblr

The back streets of Madrid are quiet at these late hours. Quiet, but not silent. There are of course still whispers of names and the soft tapping of footsteps through the long tunnels running parallel beneath the roads. 

I enjoy the fresh air, the faint smell of smoke, and the peace it brings me. A reprieve from my strenuous day to day activities I suppose. But tonight there’s something off, I can feel it deep inside me, my newly shaven face sensing something not quite right.

Then I hear a bang, then a crash, then a smash, then some shouting. This can’t be good, I pick up my pace and run towards the suspected source of the noise.

Arriving there I see a young man probably about my age on the ground being beaten up by a group of people, no one I know, so the guy on the floor must be one of ours.

“Stop!” I yell at them, but they don’t pay attention. Fine, that was their warning. 

I fight them off, the gentle breeze drifting through my new facial hair as I threw punches and kicks until all of the men scramble away, leaving only the youngest on the floor before me.

“You ok there?” I ask, gently kicking him in the head to get his attention. But then he suddenly sits up and looks me dead in the eyes.

“Why’d you do that?!” The man shouts at me a bit too loud. The sound echos through the surrounding tunnels and his face grows more offended with every repetition we hear.

“What?? I just saved you and-“ I reply immediately, I can’t quite believing what I’m hearing. What an ungrateful thing! God when I find out his name I’ll make sure he- 

“I had them on the ropes come on man!” He says cutting me off. Hell, I don’t even know the guy's name and I already want to kill him in a million ways. But then it hits me.

“On the- on the ropes?” I feel myself start to shake from the laughter, what a fool this man is.

“You had them anywhere but the ropes, but anyway I suppose I’m just looking out for one of my underlings, no?”

“Underlings? What are you, a drug lord?” Haha, very funny great joke well done.

“What gave it away?” I say with what I presume is a straight face but with the shit this guy is spewing? I could be giving off all types of vibes.

“The thing on your face? I’m not one for stereotypes but-“

“THERE IS NOTHING ON MY-“ I pause.

The thing on my face. The moustache. No, it can’t be that, hours I have spent making sure this is quite possibly the most beautiful thing about me, hours I say. Once again just ungrateful underlings thinking they are funny. But then again, I have been getting odd looks lately, and people don’t speak to me the same as they did before... no no, it can’t be.

“So you aren’t one of us?” I ask after a moment of silence.

Don’t get wound up about a moustache Sergio, don’t give in to the enemy. They want you to think it’s bad to doubt yourself, but you are the most powerful man in the city they have nothing on you. Don’t give in to them Sergio. But then his voice cuts through my whirlwind of chaotic moustache fuelled thoughts.

“One of who? I don’t-“

“You just found out in a drug lord and you are commenting on my facial hair? Gutsy. Shame I’ll be done with you soon.” I cut him off sharply, my zero tolerance for stupidity really coming into play. 

“Now that I know you gotta kill me? Come on man I just got out of work, then a load of thugs jump me, all my money is gone, I can’t do anything to hurt you! I’m a badly paid porn star give a guy a break!” He rushes through his words barely stopping to breathe, the words trailing off towards the end of his rant.

If he didn’t look like he was going to pass out before he sure does now. I’m a touch concerned because this guy must really have nothing, but all the same, I can’t just let him off because of a sappy backstory.

“Ok ok breathe. What’s your name?” 

“G- Geri,” he mutters. Wow, he really must be nervous if he’s lost all the bravado that was there before. And with that, I come up with a plan, stroking my hand through the moustache like a villain from a dodgy spy movie. If he’s going to leave this conversation with his life I’m going to be receiving some serious compensation.

“So, Geri. A porn star you say?” I ask gently, easy does it when it comes to these types of things.

His gaze settles on a spot on the floor at my feet before nodding slowly.

“Maybe you can help me in a different way.”

He freezes for a moment and looks like he’s going to be sick. Shit, maybe death was the better option. 

I go to retract my offer but before I can speak he looks up at me, his blue eyes meeting my brown, and he nods again...

———————-

“You want me to what?!” Geri shouts, surprisingly confused.

“Shave. I want you to help me shave. It really isn’t that hard a concept to understand.” 

Silly outsiders not understanding me, never mind, he’ll catch on eventually I suppose.

“Why on Earth would you think I would be ok with doing that for you?” Annoyance seems to be growing steadily in his voice, surprising considering less than 5 minutes ago he looked on the verge of tears.

“You look pretty flawless even with that developing black eye, I guess I thought you would help an insecure soul like mine.”

New plan: appeal to his better nature. That always seems to work if someone like him is unsure, and anyway, if it doesn’t I can always just threaten him. The moustache alone is enough to scare anyone away.

“Well thanks, I guess I mean I don’t really spend much- wait are you trying to appeal to my better nature to manipulate me into sorting your horrific situation?”

Shit. I guess it’s onto plan B.

“It’s this or your life, Geri, the choice is yours.” If he won’t pick them I’ll choose for him, he may have a bit of boldness about him but speaking to me like that? Big no-no.

“Jesus calm down man, I’ll help you. Just because I can see through your tricks.” He finished his sentence with a shake of his head as if despairing. I’m literally a gang leader what was he expecting, fairies and butterflies?

“Good choice, now follow me.” 

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t stand up.”

Well then, I’ll have to help him. So I grab his outstretched arms and pull him to his feet, both of us slipping slightly as he regains his balance. Stupid random men beating up random beautiful men on the street, now I’ve got to drag all 6’4” of him home. Great.

“You ready?” I ask uncharacteristically soft.

“Take me away oh great leader!” He thinks he’s funny but never mind, he’ll learn to say it honestly soon enough.

“There’s still time for me to kill you.”

“Wait until after the face fungus is gone though, no one else should suffer such a sight.”

I’m speechless, utterly utterly speechless. So I just start walking away with my new best friend Geri hobbling along after me.

—————————————

“Cut me and I’ll kill you,” I tell him, sending a harsh death stare right into his deep blue eyes.

“You keep saying you’ll kill me but you haven’t followed through yet, starting to wonder if you’re bluffing the whole thing.”

This guy doesn’t know when to shut his mouth, doesn’t know when to stop talking. Blah blah blah down my ear, he has injuries of his own for God’s sake! You’d think that’d be enough but no now I’ve got to sit here while he sorts the damn ‘face fungus’.

“Focus Geri, less insulting more getting rid of the thing you seemingly hate most in this world.” I have learnt in the past hour that ignoring his comments helps a bit, not much, but a bit.

“Ok calm your beans Mr Boss Man, I’ll do my job and you do yours,” he says with a smile, grinning down at me like I’m a child.

“What’s my job supposed to be?”

“Look pretty once I’ve finished with you, for now just sit still and stop talking.”

How dare he, I can feel my fading moustache twitch in anger.

“Now listen here-“ He cuts me off with one of his hands over my mouth.

“I said stop talking.” He looks me dead in the eye and the steely undertones of his voice just make me want to obey his every word.

No. Pull yourself together Sergio you can’t be thinking of him like this, you are going to kill him after, no feelings. Well I suppose I thought I had an attachment to the moustache but here we are killing so... maybe I’m not doing quite so bad as first thought.

I remain quiet.

Geri finishes his job quickly and looking over to the mirror I can see he’s done it well. The horrific thing previously on my face is gone, hate to say it but I kind of agree it was bad. My beauty has increased tenfold now that’s it’s gone.

“Such a good boy sitting still for me,” Geri suddenly says as he tidied up after himself.

“What?” I stutter out, not quite believing he said that.

“I said you were good for me, after those little teething problems.”

Ok, this changes things a bit.

“And what do I get for being a good boy?” I ask all so innocent.

“Whatever you want,” Geri says walking closer and closer to me from across the room, only ending his movement when he is more than a hairsbreadth away from touching me.

“And if I wanted a little something to do with your profession?”

He pauses again, the same mannerisms as when I first invited him here. A small loss of confidence before it comes back full force.

“Then I’d do this,” he whispers, before leaning down and pulling me into a kiss.


End file.
